still up.

gahd.
one rough night.

when i got off that stage, i just didn't feel good about it. i knew something was wrong, although i did all my blocks right, tried to stop the crib from falling, tried my very best to take care of my baby and treat it like a human, missed just one line and managed to keep my voice intact even if it felt like cracking toward the end of the play...

i got of that stage with a heavy heart, and a part of me knew why, a part didn't understand why, a part of me was confused.

i must say, for me, that was one of the "clean" runs dolly, gabby and i ever did.
still, it didn't feel right.


got through the company call smiling a little, clapping with my prodmates, laughing at little...
trying to stop the tears.


i was planning to detach myself from the world for awhile..not blog in my multiply... not go online.. do my homeworks... get through with blue christmas tomorrow and just get my mind off the recent show. i just wanted to get away.

it was a long walk home, really. from the RMT to ISO. it was the longest walk home i've encountered so far. i was starting to doubt whether i was in the right place, whether i had made the right choices, whether i was good at this or not. i was thinking about quitting, or maybe leave for awhile, or find something else... i don't know. i just didn't trust myself anymore.

i'm gonna prove myself wrong.
tomorrow.
i do trust myself.
i believe that this is all worth it.